What Holds My Gaze

Hold fast. Fix my eyes. Stay the course.

“Let your eyes look directly forward, and your gaze be straight before you. Ponder the path of your feet; then all your ways will be sure. Do not swerve to the right or to the left; turn your foot away from evil.” (Prov. 4:25-27)

How often do I consciously pause and take stock of my next move, the next box on my to do list? Or weigh each little decision with eternity? How often do I deliberately ponder my course through the rapids of daily life?

It’s all too easy to slide into the mind-numbing distractions so readily available at my fingertips. Scroll, click. Ah, a brief reprieve from my own struggle. I can bury emotions as fast as I can scroll past them. But soon, I find myself immersed in comparison – green with envy – reminded of all I lack. I veer towards jealously, entitlement, and greed. And the longer I scroll and the more I watch the less my own life measures up to social media and advertising standards, no matter how deep the things God is doing in me.

Sometimes the matters that entangle my focus are just day to day worries. The endless to-do list. The overwhelming responsibilities of adulting. The simple, yet, somehow unattainable dream of having groceries on hand and in the fridge when I need them. These keep me in a washing machine spin cycle of busyness, anxiety, and not quite measuring up.

Other times, the thoughts that capture my attention so wholly and completely comprise of all my doubts and insecurities. Things that shout viciously of my past mistakes. Things that whisper insidiously that God is holding out on me. They start me on a rabbit trail of shame and bitterness.

See how the outward world shapes us year by year, generation by generation? What I constantly observe becomes my obsession and fixation. See what we value based on what’s popular? I soak it up. I turn towards.

Why? Because what I constantly behold becomes my goal. What holds my gaze directs my heart. What goes in comes back out. The place my mind occupies, my life trajectory follows.

Waiting for motivation with good intentions is a dangerous game. There are simply too many duties and pleasures clamoring for my attention. While I wait, all goals of devotion, discipline, and health fade to white noise and guilty reminders of where I failed to even start. Intentions differ from intentionality. I must choose the things of God. Purposely. Deliberately.

I’m reminded of the exhilarating, hypnotic rhythm of open water swimming. When racing, any drift to the left or to the right costs precious seconds. There are no lines under water to show the course. Lifting my head out of the water every few strokes to sight the buoy becomes essential. I must train until it becomes as natural as the rhythm of breathing. Any pause to find my bearings causes me sink slightly, loosing momentum, creating more drag and resistance.

Similarly, I need constant sighting of God’s Word – his ever-present markers – in my life. I need to stop focusing on the murky depths and lift my eyes to look to Him. I need to shut out the panic that tries to rise when I remember I’m surrounded by deep water and focus on the goal – the joy of what lies beyond the finish line. I need the rhythm of Word in, breathe out, eyes up, steady forward.

I’ve also noticed that the relationships in my life flourish when I stop and pay attention to details and step intentionally in the direction of others’ needs and communication styles instead of the decay that ensues with complacency. It costs me something – time, effort, vulnerability to start – but to pay attention is worth the price of intimacy. How much more this plays out with God!

“Therefore we must pay much closer attention to what we have heard, lest we drift away from it.” (Heb. 2:1) “Turn my eyes from looking at worthless things…” Be thou my vision, Lord. “…and give me life in your ways.” (Ps. 119:37) Draw me ever deeper. Intentionally. Deliberately.

Writer Bio:

Amber Sperlich attends Mitchell Wesleyan Church where she is a part of the communications team. She writes to process her personal thoughts and meditations on the MWC messages and the text preached each week, and we thought we’d share some of them with you.

One thought on “What Holds My Gaze

  1. The battle is on. The site: our mind. Today I choose freedom, not bondage. Tomorrow I will face the same choice. Failure to deliberately choose freedom defaults to bondage. Jesus died to set me free.


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